The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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