Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
