Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
