Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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