just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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