dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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