you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
