I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A+ Viking dick
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