i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
