i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
