here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
