I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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