how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
