I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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