at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't put those talents on a resume
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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