My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
