Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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