I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
