I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
