Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wear drunk well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
