Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i will never coherently bang her
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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