we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
