How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
