i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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