A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
