I showed him my bush... on skype.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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