Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
time to smoke my breakfast
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
