Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this will be a night to untag.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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