Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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