Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
