he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
