alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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