Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
