He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
