i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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