Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
