okay pat passed out under dana's car
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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