You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
