its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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