So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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