I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
