I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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