the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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