I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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