Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
