So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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