I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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