i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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