Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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