I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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