she pinky promised me she was 18
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
