You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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