He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
