I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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