Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize