I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
