She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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