So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
