What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize