summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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