i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
