my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
