From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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