she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
