I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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