My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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